My Confession

 I am far from perfect. Not just because I'm not that pretty, or because I don't have that model look, or beautiful hair, but it's kinda more than that.

Most of the time, I feel awful. For example, I cursed. A lot. Every time. In my head. I am also the biggest hypocrite that you'll ever meet. I told everyone things that matter is what's in the inside when I still compare myself to others and feel unpretty at times. I acted nice, saying yes to everything when my heart actually aches. I acted tough being with myself when deep down I feel lonely. I said I miss everyone but I sort of pushes people away. I criticized people who are overly sensitive when I am the most sensitive person that I've ever known. I forgive but I can't forget, maybe I don't want to forget bad things that people did to me. I feel like I have the biggest ego and it disgusts me but I can't help it. I want people to have a faith in me but I don't trust people.  I pretended that I'm emotionally mature when I'm still a child. I said that I'm sincere when I do things for others but still, I tend to get disappointed. I prioritized others when deep down all I want is to be prioritized. I advised others when I have no idea what to do with myself.

There's so much more that I can't even mention it here, or even to myself. I believe nobody's perfect anyways, but, I kinda hope people would stop to put any expectation in me. When you get the idea that I am a nice person, I hope you'd try to reconsider your opinion,

and it's not because I am actually a bad person.

I believe I still have good qualities in me. But I don't want to tell you that. I kinda hope people would notice, naturally. Not because I mentioned it. Why? Because, i guess, we tend to put the best of us in front of others. There's where people would start to put so much expectation in us, when we're actually just an ordinary human being. We're not perfect.

I think I just feel bad, whenever people addresses me with positive stuff that they would think about me when in real life I am scared what if I am actually a despicable person but I hide it so well? I hope this is just a phase. I always try my best to be the better person than I am today. I believe we have control over ourselves, so that is possible for us to train our bad side so those wouldn't dominate ourselves. We're all going to be okay eventually. I know. I always try to convince myself. Whenever you feel like shit.. Just remember that I'm here. Other people might experience the same things as you do. Be strong.

With love,

Dina