Day 5 - Life Lesson from the Experts

Recently, I had an opportunity to talk with some great people. At the end of our conversation, one of them said to me; "your parents raised you well".

And of course, after the conversation, I burst into tears.

Play this: Home - Bruno Major

From pinterest

My earliest memory was living in one little house on the east side of Bandung. I asked my Dad to play a ship ride with his sarong every time he finished his salat. Then I and my mother pretended to have our own camping under the dining table with the help of a few blankets and chairs. Before I go to sleep, my father would say "Salamek lalok" and my mother would sing me "bubuy bulan" to sleep. On a random day, I would play my favorite movie back then "Petualangan Sherina", and put my favorite snack (chacha) into a lunch box. Then I'd sing along to Tina Toon/Tasya Kamila/Agnes Monica's song with a microphone, with my mom and dad sang along with me while clapping their hands. We'd listened to Maroon 5's album, Songs About Jane. I'd put on my 'art clothes' then I started to paint, playing with colors. Sadly, later in life, I realized I have no talent for painting, but still, it was a wonderful memory.

Both of my parents thought me so much in life. They make a great team, for providing me with everything that I need, not the stuff that I want. My mother has a cat phobia, but when I was a kid, she encouraged me to play with cats. Later in life, I found out that my mother has a phobia, and I was surprised why I didn't see that earlier. They never give me something that I impulsively wanted, but they made me learn that nothing in life comes easy. I need to save my money, rather than spending all my money without holding myself back. Even when I was a kid, I don't want to see them get sad because of me. I had quite unpleasant childhood, but I didn't tell them about that. I always said that I had a great day, since I hate to see my mom cry, and I hate to see my father's hurt.

They thought me what love is. Both of them are made for each other. My mother used to tell me that in their early days of marriage, my mother felt like my father is not sensitive towards my mother's feelings. But years later, she compromised with his trait. She didn't complain, and she understands that it was part of who he is, and as long as it doesn't bring any harm to their relationship, she'll let it go.

She doesn't just give in because she was tired or something, but because she knew my father has a lot of things that other guys may lack. He respects my mother a lot. Patriarchy never has a place in our family. He cleaned up the house, washed our clothes, washed the dishes, and so much more. He never asks my mother to clean up or to cook (my mom can't cook), and it's okay with him. Even until now, most of the time he would ask my mom to accompany him when I asked him to drop me off at my college or drive me somewhere. I asked my mom once, why did she end up with my dad, and she answered "I always think it's better to be loved more than to be the one who loves more". But I realized that she loves him, but what's important was she knew he wouldn't take her or his family for granted.

As time goes by, I grew apart with my dad. We didn't joke around anymore. We speak to each other only if it's necessary. But one thing that never changes, he's always a family person. He cares for me and my brother from afar. He'd ask my mother what I and my brother's up to, and he'd always pick me up every time I ask him to, no matter how far is it, or what time is it. He was always proud of us. There are a few moments I saw his happy face, one is when he joked around with my mom, when he talks with his friends through the phone when he watches funny but lame random videos, and every time we make him proud. 

My mother is a woman that's very hard to please (guess that's innate for Virgo creatures). When I was a teenager, we grew apart. But as I grow older, I just want to be close to her. She's a smart woman, and she loves her family so much (+ she’s a total introvert, meeting a lot of people drained her energy) that she chose to be a full-time wife and mom. She talks about politics, the latest trend, and in conclusion; the coolest mom ever. She cares about sustainability, even has a huge concern about the earth, and follows the zero waste and minimalist lifestyle. She rocks. But I don't tell her everything, maybe it's because of my inner child. My mother kinda always makes a joke about my father's/my brother's/my achievements, but it's because she wants us to have humility, although her way is quite annoying and I felt like she was never enough for her. One day on my graduation day, she whispered to me "I'm so proud of you Faradina", then I struggled to hold my tears. She doesn't always have a faith in me, but she believes I'm not a coward. 

A family should be a place to return. If it doesn't work for you, then maybe you should make it work for your future children.

Bintaro, 5 Oktober 2020

With love, D.