Day 6 - To Fall in Love with Yourself is Not a Sin

One question, why does the community tend to push single people to elucidate that they're happy being single?

A song recommendation: Eloise - Left Side

I've been single for two years, and every time I met an old friend or family, they would ask me about my current boyfriend. When I told them I don't have any, they wouldn’t believe me. Most of the time, I have no energy to continue the conversation. One time, my relatives told me that it’s time for me to focus on finding "the one". As if it is so weird to see a 22-year-old girl walking around alone with no man beside her.  I'm sure they want the best for me but maybe we just have a different point of view.

I started dating at the age of 14 and then I've been single for a year before entering my next relationship. When I recall what did I do wrong, all I remember is I couldn't get a grip about what is right and what is wrong because I got so focused on this idea of being a cool girl (if you've watched gone girl, you'll get it). I had so much fun and so much love in my past relationship, but I sacrificed myself during the process because of myself. You want a hint? I'm not a cool girl. I am me. 

I didn't jump to the next relationship right after my last break up or after a year or two. I realized there’s something wrong with me that I needed to fix. Turned out, during these two years of being single, I learned a lot. I kinda get to know myself more. I know what I like, and what I don't. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I figured out the source of my unhappiness. I figured out what did I do wrong in my past relationship and what should I do in my future relationship. I asked myself, what kind of person that I want to spend the rest of my life with? Then I acknowledged my feelings more, and I accepted my flaws. It took me some time before realizing I'm worthy. I set up my own goals, tried new stuff, and so much more. Finally, after learning so much, I decided I won’t settle for less.

Being single makes me realize that I am so loved. Instead of waiting for that special someone to pick me up on Sunday night, I could just hang out with my friends. I have so much time to explore my hobbies. On a lazy day, I could lay in my bed all day watching my favorite drama or anime without checking my phone. Fangirling all day, daydreaming about going grocery shopping with Jeon Jungkook or spending the rest of the afternoon doing nothing with Kim Seokjin (lol don't hate me). There’s so much to do. Why again people are so afraid of being single?

Being single doesn’t mean you’re not capable to love or to be loved. The best thing is, I could love anyone or anything without expecting something in return. It's about allowing yourself to feel. Knowing your worth naturally leads you to not playing around with people’s heart and break it for no reason, because you know what you want and you don’t want to waste your time on something unnecessary. People should stop act miserable just because they’re not in a relationship. When you’re confident with yourself, you’ll just bloom. Humans are attracted to beautiful things and having a faith in yourself makes you prettier than ever. Trust me, love will find you eventually. Whether it’s from someone else, or within yourself if you prefer to be single.

But the main point is to be happy with yourself, whether you’re single, or in a relationship. It is such a powerful feeling to be able to feel the earth beneath your feet, to be able to depend on yourself.

Honestly, I see myself raising a family in the future. Hopefully, a happy family. But for now, I enjoy the process of finding myself. I want to learn so much in life that I have something to tell my future kids. Still, I’d rather be happy alone than being in a relationship that feels like walking on eggshells.  I wouldn’t reject love if it comes to me with the right person at the right moment. In the meantime, I’m not desperate to find the one because once again, I believe in myself.

Bintaro, 6 October 2020

With love, D